I consider myself an overly compassionate person.
When I was sweeping the kitchen today, I noticed that I accidently swept a tiny ant into my dust pile. I left the pile alone so the ant could carry on his business.
I do not kill bugs and I do not eat animals.
When someone I know is hurting, I hurt too. I feel so sad for them that sometimes the ache in my heart lasts all day.
Today it all went out the window and someone (who probably could use some compassion) made me feel rage with anger.
Hubby’s sister has caused many problems in the family for several years. Now she is finally leaving her husband (who is a pill popper, can’t hold a job/support the family, we believe is abusive, etc). And she’s staying at this guy friend’s house, with internet and without her kids. So she is overly posting on Facebook poor me stats and other things that are making the rest of the family look really bad (see how evil Facebook really is??? Seriously!!).
But you don’t see posts about the heirloom jewelry stolen from her mom’s drawer, or how her parents were behind her 100% when she was in rehab and ready to leave her husband who was in prison for stealing a donation jar (I think it was a few that he swiped..), or the priceless coin collection she took from her great aunt while working at her house for money (well, she or her husband took it– or it was a group effort). She’s had a whole bunch of chances and just keeps screwing over family members all while sticking with her sick husband.
Back to this weekend. My hubby decides to take her son (our nephew) who is about the same age as our oldest on a scout trip this weekend. This is great because as the oldest of three, this nephew pretty much runs the household and has far more responsibility than a teenager should. He’s been close to our son and us his whole life, I used to babysit him when he was little on my summers off. Despite all of the hardships at home that he’s endured over the past 10 or so years, he really has turned out to be a great kid. He’s gone on scout trips with us before, he gets along with all of the other boys and always has a great time so he was super excited to go with them this weekend.
The only downside is that they live almost 2 hours from us. So hubby went out of his way Friday night to pick him up– knowing that he wouldn’t be home until 9 or 10 pm. His sister suggested that hubby swings by that guy’s house that she’s staying at to visit her and he agrees thinking that he’ll buy her dinner and catch up and have a nice visit.
He picks up our nephew (who is living with his dad) and goes to see his sister. Random guy friend answers the door half dressed and informs him that she is at a friend’s house. Hubby is invited in and goes and waits for 15-20 minutes, messaging his sister but getting no replies (granted, she’s the one that wanted him to stop by and she knew what time and he arrived ON time). He is completely blown off.
The next thing that makes me mad is 100% in my head. The boys stay the night at Fort Wayne in Detroit. When hubby goes on scout trips, he usually texts me before bed saying goodnight and stuff. I didn’t hear a word from him all night or in the morning.
I started to panic thinking that something happened at his sister or her husband’s house with them or one of the kids (they have two little ones besides my nephew). What if he had to drive out there? What if there is an emergency? Wouldn’t be the first time and since we have my nephew they would call us first so he could go back and take care of things. All. Of. This. Anxiety. ALL because of the drama seems to happen when we have our nephew and have to see them.
This is all really stupid because it’s just unnecessary anxiety in my head. In reality, when hubby got to the Fort he accidentally connected to the Canadian cell phone towers and wasn’t able to disconnect or didn’t bother to try. So he wasn’t using his phone to call or text. Stupid anxiety!
I usually feel sorry for his sister and her situation. But today all I felt was anger. Anger that she puts herself first, always. Even in front of her kids, her needs always come first. Anger that her parents tried so hard to help her and she was doing so good but then went back to a bad guy and a life with drugs.
Do you know how much I would give to have two parents to hold my hand during the scariest parts of my addiction?
So.. I’m already feeling these negative feelings today and the boys get home; hubby, son and nephew. Hubby sticks around to do taxes while the boys hang out– he’s putting off taking nephew home for a little while. Hours later, he starts to get ready and realizes that his wedding ring is missing. We searched the house and we had the boys search the house, and the sleeping bags, and the cots and the car. It disappeared. I don’t know how— it’s always put neatly in the same place on the counter.
Hubby left to take nephew home 2 hours away in the freezing rain. The weather is horrible, the ring is still missing and I am missing the compassion that normally fills my heart.
On top of all of that, I think this is probably one of the worst posts on this blog. Maybe I’ll delete it– I don’t know. I just know that I needed to get some of the negative energy out of me. And I’m glad I did! I feel lighter and happier.
I hope you all are having a more positive Sunday with some nice weather!
Positive vibes appreciated <3 <3 <3