If you know me at all, you know that I have a love/hate relationship with social media– Facebook in particular.

I will tell you why.  I’m looking at my facebook page.  The first thing I see is a bunch of great pics.  Me & hubby tan and happy on a beach with our floppy hats, happy kids playing a board game, me with various groups of friends/family posing for a pic.  Geez it looks like I have an awesome life with a group of fun everywhere I go.

The few pics of my kids that come up are them actually getting along, smiling and happy (I do have various pics of at least one of them in tears, but you don’t see that).

A dog training session comes up and it looks as though we have a well trained dog, but you don’t see his obnoxious traits that sometimes drive us bonkers.

You see a pic of my kids with the Easter bunny and the caption “The first and probably last pic of them with the Easter bunny.”    What the caption should really say is, “I had to bribe my kids with ice cream so that I could have at least one picture of them with the Easter bunny in my album.”

You don’t see any of the tears, the arguments, the mom yelling feeling as though she’s about to go off the deep end.

And when I look at other people’s Facebook page, envy transpires.  If only I had hair that long and thick, if only I had straight teeth like hers, if only I looked that thin.. and the list goes on.

Why don’t my kids like sports like other kids?  Why can’t I afford a house that big?  Why can’t we go on a cruise?   The list still goes on.

I try to not be jealous, but sometimes it’s hard.  When I’m feeling like I’m in an unhappy place, it’s easy to say “if only ________.”

Newsflash– I could have all of those things, and would still feel unhappy sometimes.  It’s not THINGS that make us happy.  It’s not the perfect body shell, because you know what?  Even if I did have that hair, those teeth and that body, there would still be things I want to change about my looks.

What if our happiness has nothing to do with our outside and everything to do with what’s inside?

As I clean up the inside of my “house” I am realizing how much junk on the inside can affect you– and it’s not in a good way.

But if my life was perfect…

What IS the perfect life?   Beauty? (sorry, but if that was my self worth I would be desperately afraid of losing it– totally not worth it), Money? (The famous line, “You’re a slave to money and then you die” comes to mind), Success? (What is success anyways?  If I was a professional dog walker and totally happy with my job and my small home and meager car, but feeling fulfilled-wouldn’t I be considered successful?  Or does it require a large salary and/or college degree– or world recognition?  No one knows..).

So this idea of perfection, it’s just an idea and isn’t even anything tangible.  Thinking and wanting will do nothing but make you sad and unhappy.  We must take social media with a grain of salt and realize that we are not seeing the whole picture.

So yeah, I will continue to love and hate FB until I can master this skill.

Anyways, it is Wednesday and sober day 20 for me.  Things are going very well and I have a general feeling of happiness throughout the day and have been sleeping exceptionally well.  I’ve been exercising daily (walking/running or bike riding), but my eating is still out of control.  I’m just not touching that right now.

This week’s early morning walk/runs have been exciting.

On Monday I was met with 2 sets of eyes glowing in my head lamp light in the otherwise pitch black early morning air.  They were coming closer and too short to be deer, more like dog height.  Coyotes!  There are many around here and they seem to travel in pairs.  I backed off toward the street until I realized they were leashed and attached to an owner.  Even though they were just dogs, my adrenaline was pumping the rest of the trip.

Today, I spotted a set of eyes two doors down from my house.  I thought I was being paranoid and that it was a reflection off the mailbox– but as I started to get closer they moved, then I saw about 3 other sets of eyes.  It was a group of deer, which didn’t scare me too bad but still kind of put me on edge for the rest of the walk.

Weekends have been exciting also.  Last weekend we went up to Bay City and had a great time.  I really realized that I actually have more fun up there when I’m sober and coherent.  Plus, Debbie and I felt good enough to hike the next day (never would have happened with a hangover!).

This weekend coming up, hubby and the oldest will be gone on a scout trip.  I’m looking forward to a low key weekend with my little that involves some cleaning, catching up on house chores, maybe putt putt and a bed party with movies and popcorn and m&m’s.

So that’s that, life is simple but oh so good!!  ❤ ❤ ❤

 

6 thoughts on “Perfection is a Mirage

  1. I really enjoy reading your posts/journey. It makes me happy when you write about good days. I relate and empathize on the bad ones. And I understand and have been in the states you are so open about. Even a simple topic like social media – I read and am like “yup, me too.” I look forward to reading more. Keep it up 😊

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s