I am NOT powerless, on the contrary, I have great power.  The power I must execute when it comes to alcohol is to STEER CLEAR.  The minute I take a sip is the moment where I lose my power.  The poison steals it and I no longer have control.

Here is a summary of the step 1 work that I’ve done:   “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanageable.” 

Areas in my life that has become unmanageable due to alcohol:

Mental health, career, relationships, kindness, accurate thought, weight, gratitude, physical health, accomplishment, integrity and responsibility.

How I feel about my life being unmanageable due to alcohol:

Overwhelmed, sad, afraid, ashamed, hopeful, joyous (I see the light and am constantly moving toward it– even with slip ups) guilty, hurt, compassionate, regretful, passionate, resentful and pitiful.

What power I do have over alcohol:

I have the power to refuse to take it. I can’t drink, I won’t drink, I don’t want to drink.

How my life would be different if I didn’t have the unmanageability of alcohol:

I wouldn’t obsess about drinking. I wouldn’t drink until the point of passing out. I wouldn’t get drunk every time I drink– nor would I drink JUST to get drunk, I wouldn’t go to meetings and I wouldn’t know anything about recovery.

My statement of how I am powerless over alcohol:

If I take a drink:  I lose any and all power. I am powerless after the first sip. Nights of binge drinking have affected nearly all aspects of my life and has made #1) being a good mom and spouse #2) effectively doing my job and #3) taking care of my health unmanageable.

I am so glad that I revisited my step one work this morning!  We are headed up to Bay City to visit our best friends Walt and Debbie.  Debbie and I have drank together since getting our first apartment together back in 1995.  Throughout the years, my drinking has become a dirty habit while hers has dwindled to pretty much a couple drinks when she’s drinking with alcoholic friends like me.

The thought of going up there for a night does give me a little anxiety, although the past couple of times I’ve visited I haven’t drank.  However, the last time I drank with her was on my birthday just a few weeks ago.  I told her beforehand that I was going to drink, and she asked if I was sure and told me that she didn’t want to ruin my sobriety.  I blew it off and said that I’ve been good but not perfect and deserved to have drinks on my birthday.  While I was happy about being able to be coherent the entire day and night of my birthday, the truth is that I drank the entire week before and after my birthday.  Deciding to drink that one night resulted in a 2 week bender.

Betsy has already started yapping (a dozen or so times) about how nice it would be to have some drinks in her hot tub tonight.  Each time I scream back at her, “NO!”

I’ve spent half my spring break sleeping off my birthday toxins.  I DO NOT want to put more poison in and I especially don’t want to start something that will result in days or weeks of nightly drinking.

SO.. I’m super glad I reviewed my power and how best to use it so that I don’t become powerless.  I’m also extremely grateful for this knowledge and strength that will carry me throughout the night so that I can wake up to day 17 tomorrow, clear headed, energetic, grateful and heart happy.

Happy Saturday Vibes   ❤ ❤ ❤

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6 thoughts on “Step One— I am Totally, 100%, Powerless over Alcohol— and With it My Life is Completely Unmanageable 

  1. Beautiful picture.
    Text your friend right now and tell her you are on day 17and need suppprt to help you not drink.
    That’s what friends are for. To make life easier.
    If she offers to not drink with you accept her offer. Let her help you.
    Make acceptance easier.
    Because you have your power today.
    Hugs
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 💜. She doesn’t drink unless I do (and sometimes even still doesn’t drink) so we had lots of good clean fun last night 😍😍😍. Feeling strong & grateful today ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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