I am NOT powerless, on the contrary, I have great power. The power I must execute when it comes to alcohol is to STEER CLEAR. The minute I take a sip is the moment where I lose my power. The poison steals it and I no longer have control.
Here is a summary of the step 1 work that I’ve done: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Areas in my life that has become unmanageable due to alcohol:
Mental health, career, relationships, kindness, accurate thought, weight, gratitude, physical health, accomplishment, integrity and responsibility.
How I feel about my life being unmanageable due to alcohol:
Overwhelmed, sad, afraid, ashamed, hopeful, joyous (I see the light and am constantly moving toward it– even with slip ups) guilty, hurt, compassionate, regretful, passionate, resentful and pitiful.
What power I do have over alcohol:
I have the power to refuse to take it. I can’t drink, I won’t drink, I don’t want to drink.
How my life would be different if I didn’t have the unmanageability of alcohol:
I wouldn’t obsess about drinking. I wouldn’t drink until the point of passing out. I wouldn’t get drunk every time I drink– nor would I drink JUST to get drunk, I wouldn’t go to meetings and I wouldn’t know anything about recovery.
My statement of how I am powerless over alcohol:
If I take a drink: I lose any and all power. I am powerless after the first sip. Nights of binge drinking have affected nearly all aspects of my life and has made #1) being a good mom and spouse #2) effectively doing my job and #3) taking care of my health unmanageable.
I am so glad that I revisited my step one work this morning! We are headed up to Bay City to visit our best friends Walt and Debbie. Debbie and I have drank together since getting our first apartment together back in 1995. Throughout the years, my drinking has become a dirty habit while hers has dwindled to pretty much a couple drinks when she’s drinking with alcoholic friends like me.
The thought of going up there for a night does give me a little anxiety, although the past couple of times I’ve visited I haven’t drank. However, the last time I drank with her was on my birthday just a few weeks ago. I told her beforehand that I was going to drink, and she asked if I was sure and told me that she didn’t want to ruin my sobriety. I blew it off and said that I’ve been good but not perfect and deserved to have drinks on my birthday. While I was happy about being able to be coherent the entire day and night of my birthday, the truth is that I drank the entire week before and after my birthday. Deciding to drink that one night resulted in a 2 week bender.
Betsy has already started yapping (a dozen or so times) about how nice it would be to have some drinks in her hot tub tonight. Each time I scream back at her, “NO!”
I’ve spent half my spring break sleeping off my birthday toxins. I DO NOT want to put more poison in and I especially don’t want to start something that will result in days or weeks of nightly drinking.
SO.. I’m super glad I reviewed my power and how best to use it so that I don’t become powerless. I’m also extremely grateful for this knowledge and strength that will carry me throughout the night so that I can wake up to day 17 tomorrow, clear headed, energetic, grateful and heart happy.
Happy Saturday Vibes <3 <3 <3