My sisters and I have been going through something crazy lately and there really isn’t anyone that we can talk to about it.

Last week we found out how much money we would be getting from from the hospital for our mom’s negligent death.  It’s a substantial amount and finding out unearthed some deep emotions.

Our. Mom. Didn’t. Have. To. Die.

Her death story will always be such an awful one.  While she lay dying, her car was packed with toys for all of her grandkids to enjoy on the fourth of July holiday at the cottage.

It was summer 2014.  I was taking a class for work and my kids were staying at my sister’s house.  It had been like a week and I missed them tremendously.  On the last day of my class I was having lunch with my friends in the class and I just felt horrible and heartsick.  I even told them that I felt an impending doom.  I don’t know why I felt so horrible, we would be picking up the kids after my class and heading up north to spend the fourth of July with family.

That night, we picked up the kids and headed north.  We didn’t get up there until around midnight, and slept well after the hectic week.  The next morning we went out to breakfast and then headed to the grocery to stock up.  That’s when I got the call. 

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Carefree times at the restaurant moments before we got the phone call

My sister called me to tell me that my mom was at the ER and would need emergency surgery.  She had gotten a call from my mom’s neighbor who drove her there.  We didn’t know why she needed surgery but knew it must be serious.

We left the store, grabbed necessities from the cottage and headed back south.  Hubby thought that we should maybe wait to see what was going on.  He actually thought that maybe she would have the surgery and then still be able to join us for the rest of the vacation.  I just knew that I needed to be there– at the hospital–knowing first hand what was going on.

He dropped me off at the hospital a few hours later and took the kids home.  I never saw my mom awake, she was sedated by the time I got there.  I arrived at the hospital around 2 pm.  She ended up having surgery late that night.  I guess they had a couple of other emergency surgeries that they had to do before her.  By the time they got to her she was in pretty bad sepsis.  We later found out that one of the surgeries they did before her was an elective surgery– meaning it wasn’t medically necessary.

My sisters and I went back to my mom’s house to sleep for the night– although we didn’t get much sleep.  We drank, a lot.   We talked and cried and were delirious.  It was unbelievable– our mom who had always been so strong– who always took such thorough care of us– was now in such a critical situation.  They had told us that she would be on a ventilator for the next few days so we knew that her condition was very critical.  We finally laid down around 3 to get some rest.

We woke up to the phone ringing before 5.  It was the hospital and they advised us to get up there right away.   When we got there, an ICU doctor took us into a little room and told us that her heart stopped and that they got it started by doing CPR.  She said that she wasn’t sure if her brain got oxygen during that time and that it felt like they were assaulting her more than reviving her.  She said that they were giving her a specific medicine to keep her alive until we got there– but that she was going to die once they stopped giving it.  The feeling of lost and devastation that we felt in that tiny room is undescribable.

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One of my favorite memories is the week my mom stayed with us after my youngest was born

By the time she died, most of our extended family was at the hospital.  I don’t remember who was in her room when she died.  I DO remember watching her heart rate drop to zero.  There’s this thing that the hospital does, every time a baby is born they play this chime music.  So while she died, I heard the chime music and immediately Live’s song Lightning Crashes popped into my head.  I will forever think of being in that little room and watching my mom die whenever I hear that song.

The days following her death are a blur and I don’t want to write about them. Things have been forever different–in all aspects.

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Circa 1986– My mom loved chatting on the phone 

Now, almost 4 years later we are getting paid because the hospital made a series of mistakes that ultimately caused her death.  They didn’t even fight it.

While it’s nice to get a chunk of money to make our lives easier, it’s a tough pill to swallow.

I would give back the money in a millisecond if it would bring my mom back.

 

“Lightning Crashes”

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now to the baby down the hall

oh now feel it comin’ back again
like a rollin’ thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin’ from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she’s been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored iris,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide

oh now feel it comin’ back again
like a rollin’ thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin’ from the center of the earth again
I can feel it. I can feel it.

I can feel it comin’ back again
like a rollin’ thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin’ from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

I can feel it comin’ back again
like a rollin’ thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin’ from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

I can feel it comin’ back again
like a rollin’ thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin’ from the center of the earth again

5 thoughts on “Money for Our Lost Mom

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s really freaking awful. I worked in the pathology department at a local hospital and I sadly performed more than one autopsy on patients who died due to medical negligence. I cannot imagine how those families felt, nor how yours must have. Our current health care system is overworked, overloaded, exhausted, ruled by insurance companies, and communication is woefully broken down. This all leads to shitty care and unnecessary mistakes.

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    1. Thank you for your empathy– did you work in the USA or another country? Just curious– always curious to see how other countries’ health care is compared to ours. Staff at our hospitals are terribly overworked and insurance companies definitely make it hard for doctors to practice the best medicine.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yep, the USA. I was a pathology resident in Colorado, and did med school in California. Again, I am so sorry for what you had to go through! It shouldn’t be this way. Our health care system is ridiculous.

        Like

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