Day 3 of what will hopefully be a forever long sober streak. I know that in the recovery world you are supposed to keep it at one day at a time– and I do for the most part. It helps me though, to look at the big picture. I like to think of June 30th which will be right around day 100, unknown territory for me.
I want to talk about social media for a sec, Facebook specifically. For whatever reason, Facebook brings me down. A few months ago I deactivated my account for a couple of weeks & not logging in MADE me happier. It felt like I had jumped off a never ending merry-go-round that was doing nothing but going faster and faster. It was like a huge breath of fresh air– and I honestly can’t remember why I ever went back.
First, there’s the competition element of it. Everyone posts awesome achievements and adventures; a kid’s straight A report card or olympic gold medal, yearly family vacations abroad to exotic places, brand new cars that cost half the amount of my house.. and it makes me feel icky about my life– when really I am exactly where I’m supposed to be at 41. I mean, I’ve never left the continent or even have been to Disney World (hats off to the parents who make this a yearly event– making sure to post about it!) but basically I have what I want in life. It’s not like I’m not happy about all of these posts, I am happy for my friends, I just don’t like the negative voice in my head that wonders what it would be like to travel to Europe or to have a gold medal winning child, and then tells me I’m not good enough.
But then, there’s the dark side. Political rants, trolls, obscene comments on tragic news stories, etc.
Everytime I log in I see infuriating posts from friends of all of the political parties. I don’t even know if half the SH&% is true– but having it constantly thrown in my face is enough to make me want to escape to a tiny island somewhere far far away. But I can’t, and that is ok– because according to many of these posts the world is on the verge of ending anyway. Hallelujah– just waiting on that paradise known as heaven.
I really shouldn’t get offended, but I do. Like in January my uncle, who is a deputy, got seriously injured when he was helping out at the scene of an accident. Most comments were nice on the Facebook news post– as he is well known and loved in the area he works. BUT of course, it’s the ones that were obscene that stuck with me and wouldn’t get out of my head.
“I hope the pig dies, he doesn’t deserve to live!”
“Throw him a donut, and I bet he’ll jump out of that hospital bed!”
Then there are my friends who blatantly insult me because of my beliefs. I’ve been called an idiot, moron and a dumb-ass because I have zero interest in going to work at an elementary school with a gun attached to my hip (my aim is really bad). They didn’t call me those names specifically, but their posts state that a teacher is those things if they oppose carrying guns while working at a school.
This is why I need to get off FB like 3 years ago. Other social media is fine. I have a whole bunch of Twitter peeps, we are #recoveryposse and the posts on my Twitter feed are happy and uplifting.
It is now Sunday evening and we spent the weekend at a Scout Ranch Camp. I was really looking forward to the horseback riding on this trip. I didn’t count on it being SO cold though! We still had a pretty good time, we just had to dress like uni bombers to stay warm (well I did, because I freeze easily.. I did get some dirty looks at the ranch..).
I used to hate going to scout weekends away because alcohol is prohibited– and basically I never went. Nowadays, it is such a welcomed event because there is no room for Betsy or her dumb arguments in my head. It is what it is and alcohol is not allowed. I’ve never been to rehab, but imagine it’s kind of like scout camp. You sleep in a room with strangers, go on various outings and do a lot of hanging out in nature. Just without the meetings/counseling. And with kids– but that’s ok, I like hanging out with kids– mostly more than adults 😉
This week is going to be a crazy week of evening activities (celebration of learning for my youngest, birthday dinner for my oldest and my Open House on Wednesday). After Thursday it’ll be Spring Break. I CAN’T WAIT!!! We aren’t going anywhere except maybe up north to the cottage, for part of it, but I’m excited to get caught up with house cleaning and organizing.
Over and out ❤