I made the conscious decision to drink on my birthday a good 10 days beforehand. Even though I had been having a nice sober streak & feeling good, I was comfortable with my choice.
My BFF and her hubby were coming from out of town to see a show and stay the night. While my BFF and I used to drink all the time, she isn’t necessarily a trigger for me. She can take it or leave it and I haven’t drank with her at all in a year.
I have a history of drinking too much, checking out & blacking out and not remembering things– especially during an outing or party with friends.
My birthday itself was terrific– perfect actually. It falls on St. Patty’s Day and I love that it’s on such a festive fun day! We had a great dinner in downtown Royal Oak and then went to see Puddles the clown. I didn’t know who he was, but my friends love him and so when they asked us to go on my birthday months ago, I had to say yes. Especially since it at a theater in one of my favorite towns. It was a pretty good show– different but very interesting! Afterwards, we stayed up half the night chatting the night away & my boys enjoying our friends’ visit (they are like an aunt and uncle to them). I drank throughout the day and night, but did not overdrink. I had a couple here and there, could hold my head up at the show and actually remember going to bed.
So.. my birthday happened, my friends came & it was a great celebration & alcohol was a welcome and tame guest. In all regards, it would appear that my struggle with alcohol is a think of the past– right???
I supposed if I was a normal drinker than that statement could be true. But I am anything but a normie.
How so? WELL… about 10 days before my birthday I decided that I was going to drink on my birthday with my friends here. Naturally, I had to practice, right? I didn’t just drink on my birthday. I drank everyday after I made that decision up until my birthday. I suppose if I was going to throw in the towel and reset my counter, I may as well live it up! I figured my birthday would be a “last hurrah” and then I could focus on long term sobriety.
It is now 5 days after my birthday and I have drank every night since. Every. Single. Night.
One decision to drink on one occasion has now lead to 2 weeks of binge drinking.
This is extremely problematic.
I cannot give myself an inch, I will take a mile. I can’t allow a sip– for I will drink a river. I must always remember that one decision to drink will lead to a difficult struggle that will last for days at best, months or years at worst.
Currently thankful for being sober, taking it one moment at a time. Reflecting on my mistakes and vowing to learn from them & aiming to be better.
Peace & Love <3