Day Drinking

I’ve been dreading this post, but it has to be written.  From the beginning, the most important thing to me was to be honest and transparent.  In the beginning there was a whole lot of ugliness, AKA all of my posts from 2016.  In 2017 things got much better and my posts were mostly positive.  I avoided writing on dark days and tried to keep everything positive.

My last post was from Monday morning and it was entirely positive.  In fact, at the end I stated that “I am feeling incredibly grateful for the day off today, going to get much needed stuff done!  This feeling reminds me that I AM getting out of this funk and that better days are ahead.”   I completed the errands and was accomplishing a lot.  I went to the garage to break up some boxes for recycling.  I had two wine boxes from the past month that were (I thought..) empty.  My plan was to get rid of them and dump the rest of a 5th of whisky I had leftover.  I don’t know what came over me, there was enough wine left for a glass and half and more whiskey than I thought.  It was 1:00 in the afternoon and for some reason, I thought I would drink the rest instead of pouring it out.  I thought drinking it would make me feel worse, and it would be kind of like a good riddance to alcohol.  Only, I finished the drinks and the only thing I wanted was more.  So I drove to the store and bought a box of wine.  I kept drinking.  I made dinner (improperly, I might add.  I forgot some KEY ingredients to the taco salad, AKA chips and cheese).  I passed out immediately after dinner, day drinking is exhausting!  I woke up around 10:00 and after searching the house I found my family in the basement watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  I watched and cuddled with them, contemplating whether or not I should refill my wine glass (I did not).

The guilt and shame I woke up with was unbearable.  I felt anxious and my body ached.

This is an example on how a moment can change in a heartbeat.

Currently taking it sober, one moment at a time.

Trying to learn from my mistakes and avoid making them again.

Peace all <3


Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

10 thoughts on “Day Drinking

  1. I’ll lift you up in prayer, my darling! You are not alone and I appreciate your honesty. Sobriety, one moment at a time, one day at a time. I hear it gets easier. Some of us have triggers, anger, depression, loneliness, that can lead up to moments of weakness where we can’t really think straight. If you can figure out what those are and try to deal with them before you are tempted, that can really help.

    1. Thank you for the prayers. I’m working on identifying triggers, they have proven time and time again to be so tricky!! Thank you for the support <3

  2. It is really hard.
    If there is any alcohol left maybe ask your husband to remove it.
    Go to AA. Look at the steps.
    Forget sugar. Just don’t drink alcohol.
    Support that one decision any way you need.
    Hug. You can do this.

    1. Thanks, I did end up dumping the wine the next day. Not having it here is huge. All good advice, hoping to get to at least an online meeting tonight.

  3. Hugs Zoe. Sounds like your unconscious mind is taking over.

    Can you practice going through tempting scenarios and thinking through what happens. For example I go to art class and there is wine there and I have a realistic scenario that I follow through rather than the romantic lie that my alcoholism tries to tell me.

    I drank after a long time when someone pushed a glass in my hand for a toast. So maybe make up a scenario of what will happen if you come across alcohol unexpectedly again. E.g I tip it out, I go and do some exercise and then watch TV with my family. I have a good nights sleep and wake up raring to go compared to I come across alcohol, decide to have one glass and end up buying a crate. I drink and then need to collapse in bed, I wake up feeling guilty as my family is enjoying themselves without me. I go to bed and feel yuck the next day….and I look awful!

    Helps me:)

    1. That is a good idea. I’ve done that before and it did help get rid of the cravings. My inner alcoholic voice can get really loud really fast and kind of takes charge.

  4. Make sure you remove the alcohol from your house and declare the house a booze-free zone. Early sobriety is hard enough without you having to deal with easy access. xxx

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