It is a relaxing Monday morning, on this President’s Day. The kids and I are off today and tomorrow for Mid-Winter break. I don’t have a lot to say, but thought it would do me some good to put down some thoughts.
I’m still feeling rather funky. I wasn’t good about working out, meditating or eating well last week, so it’s no surprise. This is the thing I can’t stand about myself lately. I lack follow through, with everything. I’ve talked to my therapist about it numerous times and she feels that as I work at decreasing anxiety and increasing sobriety, the focus will naturally come. I will trust the process, as I have no other choice, although I’m beginning to wonder if medication would be a good option.
On Wednesday, a young man went into his high school and shot and killed 17 students and teachers. This definitely affected my mood for several days. Maybe it would be different if I didn’t work at a school– or if many of the victims were age 14–the same age as my son. I drove to work last week thinking that school shootings are so common now, schools are psycho killer magnets, not a comforting thought since my kids and I spend all day everyday at 3 different schools.
Since the shooting, we are required to keep our classroom doors locked– a daily reminder of the sad world today. Staff meetings consist of building safety concerns, not student growth. I won’t go into a political rant, other than to say that we need better help for those with mental illnesses (I’ve had parents who needed their child hospitalized– turned away and sent home because there wasn’t a bed available) and tougher gun control.
I miss the days when lockdown drills seemed so unnecessary and silly. In today’s world, they are crucial.
Nevertheless, as time goes by and the bad thoughts go away and the procedural stuff dies down, life will return to normal and good.
We did have a fun night last night. We went to Painting with a Twist and painted our pets! It was a great 3 hour session. Hubby was worried that he would be the only guy there, but there were several and it was a great group of people! It was good quality time spent together and the paintings turned out ok 🙂
One more thing I want to talk about before ending this. I now have a treatment plan with my therapist and we set some goals.
Goal #1 — Avoid mind altering substances 100% of the time (including alcohol and sugar) Objective 1– Get a sponsor and work on the 12 steps. Objective 2 (I can’t remember)
Goal #2– Reduce anxiety by 90% Objective 1–Go on an outing once a week with someone other than hubby. Objective 2– I can’t remember– I think it may have to do with meditation and exercise.
I wanted to write these down because as you can see I’ve already forgotten a couple of the pieces.
OK– that’s all I’ve got. I have to go run errands this morning. I am feeling incredibly grateful for the day off today, going to get much needed stuff done! This feeling reminds me that I AM getting out of this funk and that better days are ahead <3