Today has been a whirlwind– a true test.
On a small scale– it was tough. It began with a sick kiddo coming in an hour before I had to be up. By the time I got him situated, I wasn’t able to get back to sleep and brain fog consumed my morning. I was grateful that I wasn’t hungover– even the most severe sleep deprived brain fog has nothing on the dreaded hangover.
Work was dismal. I spent the majority of my morning in a meeting with the grandmother of a new student I was about to get. Grandma gave an extensive history of the child’s sad upbringing and I was left wondering how I was going to help this 7 year focus on academic skills when she was dealing with a horrid home life.
On a large scale, the day was serious. Luckily, my afternoon meeting was much better. It was for a student who has made great growth and with parents who cannot be nicer or more supportive. Early into the meeting I saw a text from my dad come through. “Call me when you get out of work.”
This type of text always makes me uneasy. I knew my dad has been having lung/breathing issues and is supposed to see a lung specialist tomorrow. My mind wandered throughout the meeting… did he have to go in early– was he at the hospital– did something happen to my grandma??? It took real effort to focus on the meeting that I had to facilitate.
When I called my dad, my fears were confirmed. My uncle, an officer, was hit by a college student while helping at the scene of an accident. He was in ICU with an extensive brain injury and the next few days will be critical.
I was dazed. I went on with the end of my day, going through the motions, acting as though everything was ok. I picked up my dog from daycare on the way home. When they brought him out, they used a different door so I didn’t even notice him. When I looked at him, I didn’t recognize him right away. I felt like the biggest ditz! While I was waiting for him I pulled the article about my uncle up on my phone and was immersed in the story. I wanted to tell the girl why I was zoned out but the point was moot.
I turned on the news after I got home and news of my uncle was the leading story. It hit home then. Since then just misery– sitting here with my feelings. This is it– feeling the feels– life on life’s term. Betsy has been chirping in my ear since the ride home. I have just started humoring her– and that’s why I’m writing this. Getting these thoughts out helps me cope. I’d like nothing but a stiff drink right now and to numb out.
This has been challenging and I’ve felt more anxiety today than I’ve ever felt sober. Taking it one moment at a time– I surely don’t want to wake up head sick, hungover, anxious and full of guilt and shame.
Extra prayers appreciated for my uncle, his wife and his teenage twins <3