Dear Hubby,

As you know, I’ve been struggling for awhile with wanting to stay sober, but having the occasional relapse.  It’s this endless cycle that I seem to be unable to get out of.  I must admit that I’m not always honest with you.  Sometimes I brag to you that I’ve been doing so well, and then ask you to pick me up some wine, because I deserve it– and it is ok to drink once in awhile.  Well, for me, it’s not ok.  Here are some things that I need to get off my chest…

Five things you need to know about my drinking:

1.  One drink is too many, and 1,000 isn’t enough.  Once I take that first drink, I can’t stop.  This is something that all alcoholics have in common. It may seem that you talked me out of that 2nd or 3rd drink, but I will inevitably sneak it when you aren’t watching. At this point I’ve lost all control.  Yeah, it sucks and I don’t like it either.  

2.  I don’t want to drink. Ever. I might suggest that we have a night of drinking and fun.  That is not me, it’s Betsy.  She is convincing, tricky and will use her words wisely.  No matter how much you want to believe that I can have an occasional night of “fun”, I’ve proven time and time again that one night of “fun” will result in nightly drinking for days and/or weeks to follow.

3.  Meet Betsy.  Betsy is my inner alcoholic and she is absolutely ruthless.  She just KNOWS when I’m vulnerable, even if I don’t realize that I’m in a vulnerable place, she will pounce (I know it seems crazy, but it’s true).  I am not trying to evade blame.  She is a part of me, but distinguishing her thoughts within my brain help me to be successful. Here is real life example of a lovely day she tried to ruin last summer:    

https://thedevildrinksvodka.com/2017/08/25/my-inner-alcoholic-is-a-b/

4.  During periods of nightly drinking I may appear happy, normal and that I have everything under control.  I may be on top of the chores, appointments, getting exercise in, etc.  This is all a facade, a LIE.  The truth is, I wake up with loads of shame and regret and promise myself that things will change and that I will stop. At some point throughout the day the mental and physical symptoms of my hangover evaporates and Betsy starts to talk me into starting my new alcohol free life tomorrow and how much I deserve or need a drink.

5. I am SO happy with our life.  I love the life that we’ve built.  We have terrific kids and I couldn’t ask for a more supportive spouse. This is the majorly confusing part for me.  This one thing, this one little thing is the only thing that is making me unhappy.  I should have control over it, but it seems to have complete control over me.  My intelligence knows that it is making me unhappy– yet I continue to allow it to do so and I can’t understand why.  THIS is where the power of meetings and connecting with others come in.  I’ve learned that I am not alone.  This predicament is not uncommon and it’s helped me greatly to know that there are others that I can talk to, read about or listen to– to help figure out how to overcome this and that it CAN be beat.  

I could probably write 5 more informational blips– but I think this covers the most important and basic aspects of my situation.

Also, know that while this holiday season has been a bit of a struggle, I have high hopes for 2018.  I am quite pleased that I had more sober stretches in 2017 than in the past 10 years.  I’ve learned a lot and I’m still learning.  I know that there is a reason greater than me why I am going through this.  I am grateful for all that I’ve learned, my past mistakes and my hope for the future.

Above all, thank YOU for always supporting and loving me, no matter what.  I wouldn’t be where I am without you and know that with you I can take on the world ❤

If you want to learn more about supporting a loved one who is struggling with drinking visit:

https://al-anon.org/

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28 thoughts on “Letter to My Spouse: The Pink Elephant in the Room– My Drinking

  1. Me too. To all of it.
    That insanity of having it all and still hating myself over my drinking…being able to do it all EXCEPT controlling my booze. It crushed me. And it sucked the life out of me.

    That’s why zero works. Once it becomes the new normal all that is let is self compassion, a clear mind and a joyful life.

    Today is a great day to embrace life. Start 2018 sober!

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s the common denominator for all the functioning alcoholics ❤ Thanks for the positivity, I am grateful to enter 2018 sober and optimistic that it is going to be a great year 🙂

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  2. I am so glad you have a support system while you work through having more sober days that not. My Granpa finally got sober when he went into a home and those are the best years I’ve had with him. It’s worth it.

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    1. I’m so glad that your grandpa was able to get sober and that you’ve had good years with him. I’m so sad for those who never get help and end up dying from it. It is so sad for them and especially their loved ones.

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  3. What a heartfelt confession. I am irritated at my husband whom he drinks when we go out all the time. I personally don’t like multiple drinks when dining as a family. I think your spouse will appreciate this letter.

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    1. Thanks Rose. Hopefully your husband will grow out of drinking as he gets older. This letter helped give my spouse an insight to my struggles with alcohol & has had positive effects ❤

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  4. I am so sorry that you have to struggle with this… I can only imagine how hard it must be for you but it is so brave of you to share your heart with us and I wish you much luck and love as you take your journey….

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  5. This is so powerful. You are aware of blessings and have hope for the future. I wish you all the best for 2018. It’s not easy but with a great support system, you will make it.

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  6. I think this is such a great post and you’re so strong to be sharing it – so many people keep it to themselves. It’s so good you have a great support system around you.

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  7. I don’t personally know anyone who has struggled with this, so it’s very interesting to get an “insider’s” perspective on the situation. I’ve known people with depression, and it’s somewhat similar, but also seems completely different. It sounds like you have a great support system and recognize the issues. Stay positive and just know that you can do this!

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    1. You are blessed that this hasn’t affected anyone in your life. Now you have a little insight if someone you love begins to struggle with substance abuse. Thanks for the well wishes ❤

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  8. I wish you all the luck in the world and to enjoy a sober life with your happy family. It must be hard, but your family will love you for it.

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  9. I know someone who personally struggles with this. It’s hard watching, but I know it’s definitely harder on him to deal with it on a daily basis. Thank you for opening up about this to us. Best of luck this year of 2018 🙂

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  10. This is so intense. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to resist the temptation to start. I have some friends who are like this and both my uncles have struggled, so you definitely should never think you are alone. And both my uncles have ended up with happy productive lives and marriages. So you can do it.

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  11. You are so brave for sharing this publicly and I’m sure you will help others through your transparency. I’m so sorry you struggle with this, but I will be praying for strength for you to overcome and patience for your wife!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. You are so brave for sharing this publicly and I’m sure you will help others through your transparency. I’m so sorry you struggle with this, but I will be praying for strength for you to overcome and patience for your spouse!

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