Surrender

I am so incredibly tired.

Another morning of waking up in a fog with a pounding headache.  After 2 weeks, this is becoming the norm and my body is becoming accustomed to functioning in this fog.

One more wake up, frantically moving the elf because I forgot to last night.

A box of crackers hastily opened and eaten at midnight– that’s the taste in my mouth– why did I have to eat them all?

Sunken eyes, puffy skin, general aches and pains– am I 40 or 90?

My addiction is winning, it is the devil.  I want to fight– I CAN defeat this monster.

Day 1, I surrender <3 on-my-knees

 

 

Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

6 thoughts on “Surrender

  1. I’m so sorry you are suffering. It is such a hard and lonely place.
    Have you reached out for help? An addictions therapist? aA is free and there are meetings every day. You don’t have to say a word. Just go listen.
    I know a life without alcohol seems impossible and bleak, but it is a joy and freedom like no other.
    Hold on to this acceptance. Get help. Find life!
    Anne

    1. Thank you Anne 💕
      As hard as it is, I know it’s a vital part of my journey & it I keep moving forward I will achieve my goal of being alcohol free. The next step for me is to find an AA (or other support group) and start working the steps with a sponser. This has worked for so many I have faith that it will help me 🙏🏼💜

    1. I need more support and also to create accountability with my family. This is something I have been avoiding, but I think it is necessary. Thanks for sharing, our journeys are so different, yet so much the same <3

  2. I don’t know how I missed your update, so I’m sorry this is late. I am so sorry. I agree, some outside help might be the next step. I highly recommend SMART recovery (the online meetings are terrific if you can’t find a face to face), and if you choose a rehab or outpatient therapy, I HIGHLY recommend you find one that also does Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). We’re here for you!!

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