This month has been much more difficult than I expected.
I’m trying really hard to not be depressed during this holiday season. I miss my mom and wish she was here. I wish I could ask her about her wine habit and talk about my journey with her. I never thought in a million years that she had an alcohol problem, but now I wonder if she drank more than she wanted to. It now annoys me that I drank so much at most family parties and wish I had more sober conversations with her. This is turning into a big ramble…
I’m trying to get out and run, even if I don’t make it out until it gets dark out. I actually like running in the dark this time of year. The holiday lights around are so pretty and the City Hall is all lit up with a giant Christmas tree. It’s all very beautiful and serene and running keeps me from going insane.
I’ve been having more slip ups this month than previous months. I’m accepting it and am ok with it, mainly for 2 reasons.
#1 I’m ecstatic that I had more sober time in 2017 than the past 10 years combined. I think this is fantastic. I’ve learned so much this year! Back in 2016 I wanted to quit but had no idea how. I look at how far I’ve come since then and I am so pleased.
#2 I have a plan for 2018 and that includes it being one of the best years ever. My plan includes getting a sponsor and working the 12 steps carefully and thoroughly. I haven’t been to an AA meeting since the summer. The meetings I went to were at noon so now that I’m back at work I have to find an evening meeting. I’ve looked and still have to decide on which one to go to. If I’m not comfortable there, then I will try a different one. In addition to AA, there’s a Refuge Recovery meditation meeting at a barn in Milford on Tuesday nights. I would like to try this as well and think it could benefit me. The next couple of weeks are very busy with several night commitments. My hope is to start the evening meetings before getting back to work in January. I sure hope I find one that I like with people who I can connect with!
My mood is good today & I had a very good day yesterday. I was annoyed when I woke up because the hubby and kids played Minecraft all evening on Friday and stayed up too late. They have been playing so much lately and it leaves me bored to tears. So I when hubby woke up yesterday, Saturday, morning I demanded a date day. He agreed and it was lovely, although part of the date included grocery shopping. That was ok though, I always like it when he comes along and helps me. I was happy that I calmly voiced my needs and wants and that he listened.
That is my Sunday ramblings. I am optimistic that the future will be great <3