My Subconscious Screaming at Me


Good Saturday here, after a good Friday, not to be confused with Good Friday.

Will’s birthday was Tuesday and that was my last (and hopefully Last) Day 1.  It’s been a really great week since Tuesday, I mean, I haven’t won the lottery or anything, but I’ve felt good physically and mentally, had some motivating days at work and relaxing evenings complete with walks after dinner with hubby and dog.  I am fully enjoying being present, not having to walk around my need for alcohol and the simple but good  things in life.

Friday night was low key but nice.  I took a nap after work, got into a new show on Hulu (This is Us.. co workers have been raving about it– it is good and I’m so excited to have found a new show to binge on!  We don’t have cable so often there isn’t much to watch), made spaghetti for dinner and took a walk with hubby while the boys cleaned up dinner.  The walk was nice, except we got rained on pretty good towards the end, but that added a little excitement.   Then I drank some yummy decaf coffee while we binged on This is Us (I think hubby kind of got into it too).   We were in bed by 11, and I fell right asleep and slept well until 7.

I had an odd dream that seemed like my subconscious screaming at me.  I was somewhere, at a get together with family.   I was drinking wine and it was getting close to being time to go, so I ate to sober up so I could drive.  Before leaving, I filled my glass up with wine and took it with me.  I had the kids in the car and remember thinking how low I felt and how rotten I was to drink the wine while driving, but I didn’t care, I did it anyway.  I came up to an intersection and needed to stop because another car had the right away.  My foot couldn’t find the break though and I almost crashed.  Luckily, I avoided a collision, but instead of dumping out the wine I continued to drive and sip on it.   Yep, my conscious knows how much of a slippery slope it is when I start to drink.  This is why I need to stay away, completely, 100%.

So, this brings me to Day 4.  I’m doing something a little different this time.  I made a TheDevilDrinksVodka Facebook page and I’m posting numbered daily posts on it, with high points, low points, gratefuls and goals.  It is helping me reflect after each day and I’m excited to see the numbered days increase.  I know I am only supposed to count on today and take it one day at a time, but I really want to make it to a year.  I mean, first things first, looking at the milestones 30, 60, 90, 100 days and counting, but I really want to get to 365!  I am so eager to see how much I can learn, grow and improve myself in a year.  But yeah, for now I am just taking it ODAAT.

Time to get on with my Saturday.  Club Soda cheers to a very blissful sober weekend being fully present and not feeling lousy physically or mentally <3

Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

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