Today, well tonight specifically has been a low night. Sober, but sulky.
Overall it was a good day at work, a productive morning and an afternoon spent facilitating an empowering IEP meeting.
After work was pretty good as well. The kids were at their grandma and grandpa’s when I got home, and I got a small cat nap in. Anthony picked up dinner on the way home, it was so nice to not have to cook, plus I was all caught up on laundry.
It’s 8:48pm, I am fighting to stay awake and feeling sad and miserable. I just feel left out, all because of this weekend’s happenings. One of Anthony’s coworkers is leaving and he may go out with friends tomorrow night. Little Ant’s high school’s homecoming football game is tomorrow night. He was going to maybe have me take him, but changed his mind. It just feels like the whole world will be hustling and bustling tomorrow and Saturday and I’ll be stuck home all alone. On Saturday, Anthony will take William to a scouting trip all day.
What can I do to not feel so lonely? I don’t know and I don’t have any energy to do anything. I have a few good friends, but don’t really have the energy to reach out right now and my best friend is over an hour away.
After being unplugged from Facebook for a couple of weeks, I logged back in tonight. I wonder if that has anything to do with my sadness. I definitely need to stay unplugged this weekend, otherwise I will feel even more left out.
There is no point to this story– other than this is reality, sobriety is filled with highs and lows. The reality is that as I am anticipating tomorrow night sucking, my alcoholic voice is already starting to whisper ideas into my head. I try to ignore, but she is persistent and knows when I am most vulnerable.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.