Black Shroud

When you’re drinking, it’s kind of like your life is clouded with a dark shroud.  The sun is less bright, jokes are less funny, semi stressful situations seem impossibly daunting and the list goes on.

I’m not sure why I chose to do this to myself the week of going back to work.  When you work at a school, the first days of school are the most harried, always.  Why would I choose to feel exhausted, drained, brain fogged, etc, especially after the joyous 18 AF days I’ve just had?

Waking up has been the worst.  My head is killing me each morning, I can barely drag myself out of bed and even after I get ready and drive to work, it is super hard to stay focused.  Oh, and I feel like I smell funny– mainly my breath and dry mouth.  Getting up early to walk/run is absolutely out of the question, I can barely get the necessities done.

I am back to another Day 1, and am feeling rather defeated.   I am not drinking tonight, but know that it has to be taken one day at a time, so I really don’t know what will happen tomorrow.  I am reaching out in my groups and listening to Recovery Elevator during my commute.   Meetings aren’t possible this week with my schedule.   Writing this helps, which is why I do it, regardless of the repetitive Day 1 posts.

Wish me good luck and success.  I was so happy and excited to have 18 days, and I felt mentally and physically great.   I don’t want to go through each day shaded with a black shroud, I want to be happy and free from this devil’s grip <3

Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

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