Sunday morning here and this weekend has been a mixed bag so far.

Friday night was great.  I listened (didn’t participate or share) to an online AA meeting and I could relate with the other members.  I got to bed late but slept in until 10:30am on Saturday morning.   I had nothing pressing to do on Saturday- so it was nice to wake up late.  I had a leisurely morning and finally got around to working out around 1:00pm.

Saturday evening was going well, until (for no good reason- other than a craving) I decided that I want some wine.  Hubby’s parents were over and they know I’m not drinking, so I waited until they left.  This was really stupid because by then it was 11:00pm– WHO the heck starts drinking that late anyways?   I could beat myself up with the whys?  but it’s pointless.

Now it’s Sunday morning and I’ve racked up yet another Day 1 under my belt.  The cycle of addiction is vicious and brutal.  I know what I want and I know how I want my life to look like, but I don’t know how to get there.

Addiction lies.  It tells me what I want to hear.  “It’s summer– you deserve this.  You’vedone so well this summer, you deserve this.  You worked out and ate beans for dinner, you deserve this!”

I deserve to live my life happily alcohol free.

I keep writing the same story over and over again.  I will strengthen my toolbox.   I will get a sponsor.  I will go to more meetings or check out meetings other than AA.  

How can I expect change when I haven’t done any of these things?  I can’t.

I am grateful that I have the knowledge to do what I need to do to beat this thing.  I just need to Just Do It.

My story is to be continued…

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