Sunday morning here and this weekend has been a mixed bag so far.
Friday night was great. I listened (didn’t participate or share) to an online AA meeting and I could relate with the other members. I got to bed late but slept in until 10:30am on Saturday morning. I had nothing pressing to do on Saturday- so it was nice to wake up late. I had a leisurely morning and finally got around to working out around 1:00pm.
Saturday evening was going well, until (for no good reason- other than a craving) I decided that I want some wine. Hubby’s parents were over and they know I’m not drinking, so I waited until they left. This was really stupid because by then it was 11:00pm– WHO the heck starts drinking that late anyways? I could beat myself up with the whys? but it’s pointless.
Now it’s Sunday morning and I’ve racked up yet another Day 1 under my belt. The cycle of addiction is vicious and brutal. I know what I want and I know how I want my life to look like, but I don’t know how to get there.
Addiction lies. It tells me what I want to hear. “It’s summer– you deserve this. You’vedone so well this summer, you deserve this. You worked out and ate beans for dinner, you deserve this!”
I deserve to live my life happily alcohol free.
I keep writing the same story over and over again. I will strengthen my toolbox. I will get a sponsor. I will go to more meetings or check out meetings other than AA.
How can I expect change when I haven’t done any of these things? I can’t.
I am grateful that I have the knowledge to do what I need to do to beat this thing. I just need to Just Do It.
My story is to be continued…