One step forward, two steps back.  That’s how I feel on this funky Friday morning.

Drank again yesterday, although I didn’t start last night.  I started yester- day– yes during the day.

Two nights ago drinking wine was pleasant.  It felt good up until I went to bed (which I don’t remember).  Yesterday the first couple glasses were good, but then I had some dinner (not much, 1/2 a veggie burger and a few vegetables).  After dinner the wine tasted nasty.  But, I kept drinking anyway..

By bedtime my belly hurt, my buzz was gone and I felt physically and mentally defeated. Out of all the hours spent drinking yesterday, about 10% of the time was actually pleasant, the rest was unpleasant.

I’m GLAD and thankful.  It scares me when drinking gives me so much joy that on the following day I drink again– and start earlier.

I am going to stop.  I know in my heart that one day I will be 100% alcohol free.

Today is day 1.  I will work on strengthening my toolbox. What does this look like?  For me, it will be re-starting the 30 Day Sobriety Solution– with daily activities and exercises. I started this before and it really is a great program to work through.

I may or may not attend real life or online meetings.  This I’m on the fence about.  I started going to AA meetings this summer and I don’t believe they’ve been effective for me.  I may try to find an evening meeting that I can keep up with when school starts back up.  I may try something other than AA– it’s just hard because my choices and days/times are limited.  One thing is certain, I cannot do this alone.  I will continue to connect with people online through Cafe RE and Club Soda.

I will continue writing out this journey.  Yes, it feels like a lie, my title “My Journey Through Sobriety..” I haven’t been very sober the past couple of days.  It certainly is a long and treacherous voyage–although no one said that it would be easy!   Pack your bags, you’re coming with ❤suitcase

 

Peace & Love ❤

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