One step forward, two steps back. That’s how I feel on this funky Friday morning.
Drank again yesterday, although I didn’t start last night. I started yester- day– yes during the day.
Two nights ago drinking wine was pleasant. It felt good up until I went to bed (which I don’t remember). Yesterday the first couple glasses were good, but then I had some dinner (not much, 1/2 a veggie burger and a few vegetables). After dinner the wine tasted nasty. But, I kept drinking anyway..
By bedtime my belly hurt, my buzz was gone and I felt physically and mentally defeated. Out of all the hours spent drinking yesterday, about 10% of the time was actually pleasant, the rest was unpleasant.
I’m GLAD and thankful. It scares me when drinking gives me so much joy that on the following day I drink again– and start earlier.
I am going to stop. I know in my heart that one day I will be 100% alcohol free.
Today is day 1. I will work on strengthening my toolbox. What does this look like? For me, it will be re-starting the 30 Day Sobriety Solution– with daily activities and exercises. I started this before and it really is a great program to work through.
I may or may not attend real life or online meetings. This I’m on the fence about. I started going to AA meetings this summer and I don’t believe they’ve been effective for me. I may try to find an evening meeting that I can keep up with when school starts back up. I may try something other than AA– it’s just hard because my choices and days/times are limited. One thing is certain, I cannot do this alone. I will continue to connect with people online through Cafe RE and Club Soda.
I will continue writing out this journey. Yes, it feels like a lie, my title “My Journey Through Sobriety..” I haven’t been very sober the past couple of days. It certainly is a long and treacherous voyage–although no one said that it would be easy! Pack your bags, you’re coming with ❤
Peace & Love ❤