TWO things to report on today, one is good and one is bad.
The good: I’ve been trying to set up a lunch date with a friend of mine. She texted me this morning that her live-in boyfriend broke up with her and that she still wanted to make plans but may need to change the day because he is still living at her house and she needs to leave for up north on Friday to get out of the situation and wasn’t sure what time she is leaving. The good is that I gave her 100%. I offered for her to come to my house or go to my cottage up north for however long. I also offered unlimited time with her and told her I could meet her whenever and wherever. This may not seem significant, but the old me would be very reserved with my time (I know selfish and disgusting!). I even offered to go up with her this weekend even though I’ll be away at scout camp with my son for most of next week (the old me would have thought that since I wasn’t going to be home next week, no way could I leave for the weekend). It is SO good that I am able to give myself to someone in need, instead of being so selfish with my time. This is a pleasant change in myself that I didn’t even recognize until today. I am sure that it is related to sobriety and my frame of mind.
The bad: when thinking about a weekend up north with this friend, my immediate thought was that we could easily and happily go through a bottle of wine. Most of the time in the past few weeks, if I thought about drinking, it was a fleeting thought that left quickly. This thought is lingering and I’m not sure how to handle it.
I am going out to lunch with her on Friday. The last time we went out, I told her that I had quit drinking and that it had become a problem for me (she is a work friend, so it is sometimes hard to know how much to reveal). I think that when I see her on Friday, I’m going to tell her that I’ve been going to AA meetings. She is a social worker and licensed therapist, so I think that this will help me set up a successful weekend if we go up north– which if we do isn’t going to happen until August (she declined plans for this weekend).
SO…. the gist… I have been cruising along for a couple of weeks now and things have been easy and status quo. THEN… something like this comes up and throws me off the path… a reminder that I don’t ‘Got This’ and will always have to be on my guard and that my ugly alcoholic Betsy voice will take the first opportunity given to suggest that I throw in the towel.