Wow, I made it a week! The first 4-5 days was the worst. I started on a Saturday. Sunday was fine, I kept busy and didn’t think about it. Monday was TOUGH. It might have had something to do with it being my late mom’s birthday. I was making dinner and craving wine (I would occasionally drink and cook– not all the time but sometimes).
Anthony got home and when he hugged me I started to cry. He kept hugging me and kissing me and I realized that he thought I was crying because of my mom. I was crying because I wanted a drink. These are the things I said, “I just want a drink. I have wine in the garage, do you think one glass would hurt? There’s only enough left for 2 glasses, so I wouldn’t be able to have more than that. How did I let it get this bad? How did I let it get this out of control?” He consoled me and told me we’d take a walk after dinner.
I was emotional at dinner, but I was happy on our walk. I felt ALIVE. I felt like I was living for once. When we got home, I was no longer craving wine or alcohol. I felt happy.
The following night– or maybe it was later the same night, Anthony apologized to me. He was sorry that he hadn’t intervened before it got so bad. He told me that only on a couple occasions did he feel like I was out of control. I told him that if he had tried to intervene then it would not have ended well and that this is my journey and I had to figure it out on my own. I felt and still feel so blessed to have such a loving and caring husband.
On Tuesday I went to a meeting. I ended up at mass instead. I didn’t realize it until over ½ way through so I stuck it out. It was a nice service and I left laughing at the mishap. I haven’t been to a meeting yet, but I am seeing a therapist in a few days.
I had a bad RA flare Thursday to Friday. Finally started to feel better Friday afternoon. It was super nice and sunny on Saturday. I walked a total of like 6 miles and we rode our bikes to James and Daphne’s to meet their new rescue boxers.
Since last weekend, I have lost 9 pounds. This is a huge motivator for me. It has also motivated me to eat as organic and vegan as possible. I am looking forward to being in the best shape of my life in the start of my 40th decade.
I want to end this blog with the everlasting hope and happiness I am feeling in my soul. I am finally free. I can’t speak for tomorrow, or next month, or next year, but today I am carefree and happy.
#addiction #alcoholism #addictionrecovery #recovery #recoveryelevator #cleanliving