June 2016

I am starting to get nervous.  A couple of weeks ago, I was pretty hyped up, excited.  Now that the clock is ticking, I don’t know if I can follow through.  How can I?  I’m so used to old habits and the way things are, how can I change?  I keep hoping that if I want it bad enough, then I can be successful.. right?

The past couple of weeks have been a bear.  I have a pleural effusion, which may or may not have been caused by something serious (liver cirrhosis, cancer, autoimmune issues or air changes..).  This has slowed me down some (it’s basically a fluid build up between my lungs and rib cage), sometimes waking me up early in the day not able to breathe.  Normally, summer vacation would have started already, but due to a late Labor Day and start to the school year, we still have 7 school days left with kids, plus 1 without kids.  But I am exhausted!

I haven’t cut down on drinking.  I am trying to savor each drinking day!  I really don’t know if I can stop.  I haven’t made an outpatient appointment yet.  I suppose I should get off this blog and make a decision as to where I am going and see about getting an appointment.

This is scary.  I don’t want to spend the summer 2016 strung out, I really don’t!  I want to feel good, energetic, happy and healthy.  I want to exercise daily and detox my body.  I just don’t know if I can do it!

#alcoholic #addiction #recovery #scaredtochange

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