I didn’t drink in moderation this past weekend.  I drank all day and all night.  I just kind of threw in the towel.. so to speak.

I came home on Tuesday July 5th.  I didn’t drink on the night I came home and felt pretty good.  No withdrawal symptoms.

On Wednesday, July 6th, I decided to have 2 glasses of wine.. which easily turned into 4.  I passed out and feel like I cheated my family.

Today is a new day!  Woke up with terrible flares in my feet and some pain in my hands.  I’m drinking water and will juice soon.  I’m going to eat mostly clean today.  My goal is to NOT drink at all tonight.  Once I start it is too hard to stop.  I know I can do it and will feel great about it!

I hate that I have to think about alcohol constantly.  I hope that someday I can live without obsessing/worrying about it day after day.  I know that I should find a therapist to talk to, but it is hard to find a good one.  The good ones take awhile to get into, so I’ve kind of been putting it off because I don’t want to waste my time with a bad one.

None of the rehab places have called me back, but after joining my moderation group I’ve learned that rehab isn’t for everyone.  I’m not sure if it’s for me– but I just give up with getting information from them.

Overall, I have to say that the first two weeks of summer have been kind of depressing and sad.  I haven’t felt successful in my quest to break free of alcohol.  I haven’t gotten nearly as much organizing/cleaning as I should have.  My body has been in pain a lot of the time.  My lungs seem to be better than last week.. hoping my pleural effusion goes away on its own because it’s harder than heck to get an appointment with a pulmonologist.  I still haven’t made an appointment, but with everything I’ve been through with my RA, alcohol issues and lung issues, I feel like modern medicine has totally failed me.

I hope to report better feelings and behaviors next time I write.  I will try to write as soon as possible.

#alcoholism #addictionrecovery #addiction #summer2016

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